I walked outside yesterday to stop and smell the lilacs. The perfect representation of spring. Sweet, inviting, beautiful. They give you hope that anything is possible. A new beginning. It is a feeling that you can't help but love. The thing about lilacs is that they are fleeting. They come into you life for just a few heartbeats and then they are gone leaving you with only the hope of seeing them again in the future. A glimpse of perfection. I love the lilac. I do. It makes me very happy but I know that it is never going to be mine to keep. It is just something that I can feel and enjoy but not have grand hopes for. An innocent love really.
I miss things not being complicated. I wish I could have a few of those perfect easy moments back. There were days that I felt like anything was possible. Everything got so complicated. It all turned into a giant mess that hurts more than words can describe. How much of things were a joke to everyone involved but me? I wish I had a clear handle on things. All I have are my pesky feelings and I think everyone knows that those are what gets me into so much trouble. I just want to enjoy spring. I want to embrace the new adventure that I'm trying to embark on. I want happiness without all the pretense. I'm really happy at the moment and I really want to enjoy it. I don't know, I guess I'm rambling a bit.
