Peace Out to My Ponderings

I think that this is going to be my last post on this page. I think it is time to step away from this space and all that it has come to represent. This started out a a place that I felt like I could ramble about my thoughts. I like to talk to the nothingness and try to figure things out. I have talked and talked on here and have managed to piss off person after person. That was never my intention. I guess a shitty couple of years led to a shitty couple of years of posts. I don't regret what I write about. I don't regret the things that have went on. Honestly, I learned so much about myself and I have a much better understanding of what makes me tick. I learned that you shouldn't take your sanity for granted. I learned don't take the pills:) I learned that guilt is my biggest trigger. I learned that the more honest I am the better I feel. I learned that gay me is a much happier person than the bi or straight version. I learned that I can't hold onto the past. I have to let go of the some of the good as well as the bad. I learned that I lean on circumstance to allow me to hide from truly feeling. I got to fall in love and out of love and in love again and out of it again. I learned that all love isn't epic but the fleeting can still mean just as much. I learned that I can't always fix every situation. I learned that I don't really want to be rescued but just accepted for what I am. I can look myself in the mirror at this moment and know that I like who I am. I'm never going to be perfect. I'm never going to fix the past. I learned that I'm ok with that. Living and loving and dreaming and being are my plans. It makes me smile. I can't change yesterday and I can't predict tomorrow but I can say that this moment is one I always hoped I would have. I'm good with me. I am thankful for the darkness that monopolized the last three and half years. Heartache, heartbreak, sorrow. They finally gave me strength. Come what may I know that I can make it through. Thank you to anyone who has ever read this. Thank you to the ones I've upset because you are the ones that helped me grow. Thank you to the ones that never stopped loving me because you were my lighthouse through this storm. Hugs and love this theatre addict is off to ponder somewhere new