Oklahoma!

I'm sitting backstage at our last performance of Oklahoma and having that feeling of don't end. The last couple of weeks have been some of the best weeks I have had in ages. I don't know what it is that is making it so wonderful. It is, for the most part, just another show. It is with most of the same old players. It is in the same old place. It is very typical in most ways. Still, this has been a delightful time once production week started. It was like a breath of normal in my life. I felt like I had all the anxiety that was threatening to consume my life lifted. It was an answered prayer really. I was at the end of my self control and then it was ok. Thank God for that! I will miss these people more than I can imagine. I think that this show is one of those moments in the woods. Just a moment, but still a blessing. I can just sit backstage and be happy here. There isn't the stress or the worry that goes along with most shows. Maybe that is because I don't really do anything in it, but I think I like it that way. It is like the easiest thing in the world to do. I also love when you are backstage and you here mistakes on stage. Sound guy just missed a cue and it is so funny to me. It is the joy of blogging during a show. The actors are starting to do the crazy things that they really want to do and are afraid to do. If you see Lucas anytime in the near future ask him about the sausage!!! Great experience great people great time! You should have all seen Oklahoma!!

An Answer to a Question

Tonight at the show I'm in I was asked to share a story about my love life. It ended up being kind of a depressing question. I was forced to go with the answer of I don't really have any good stories. How sad is that? In all honesty I don't have much of a love life. I'm a really picky person. Of course I've been in love, but there really aren't any stories. I've said in the past that I've been in love four times. That seems pretty good, but in reality, not so much. I really should only count two of them as real romance. Both of those have sad endings. First one was that epic first love. He was who I thought I'd marry. The boy of my dreams. I loved him so much, but was afraid of getting hurt. I kept him at arms lenth for years. Then, he got married. It broke my heart to see him with someone else. I guess I thought he would fight for me and wait for me until I was ready. That didn't happen. I was the right one for him. I honestly believe that. His marriage hasn't worked out, but I can't love him the same way anymore. He didn't fight for me. I wasn't worth the effort then and I don't think I can ever really forgive that. Second love was everything I ever wanted, but couldn't have. I loved her with a firery passion. My world was so much more with her. It was one of those going in you knew wasn't going to work out. There was an age difference and a life difference. I was ready for the long haul and she was young and needed to be young. I was ok with that. I knew that love was on our side and that in the end we would be together. Unfortunely, time wasn't on my side. Fate stepped in and she isn't in this world any longer. I have so many regrets there. I'm a patient person and I thought time was going to be on our side. I didn't fight for us, and I wish with all my heart I would have. I will always have that regret. These are not fun love stories to share. I looked at the girl tonight and just told her that I didn't have any stories. That I didn't have anything to share. It makes me so sad to realize that that is the story of my life at the moment. Hopefully one day I will find someone to fall in love with again. Hopefully someday I will have a story to share with my friends. Hopefully I don't get asked that question for a very long time.

A New Blog Place For Me!

I have decided that it is time that I started blogging again. I was a frequent blogger on myspace, but have stopped blogging there. I really do enjoy sharing my random thoughts with the universe as it is. It is nice to get them out to no one and everyone. Anyway, I should start with a brief introduction to me. I'm a theatre addict! I am almost always in a show somewhere. It is my drug of choice. When not doing a show you can probably find me getting into trouble with my mildly flirty nature. I tend to find myself getting into situations that are messy for my friends. Oops is all I can say most of the time:-) I have a great group of friends that seem to roll with my outlandish behavior. I'm a hopeless romatic who believes in love at first sight and the power of forever. That being said, I'm very guarded with my heart and with my emotions. I'm difficult to really get to know, but easy to read. I'm an extremely physical person, but I keep in check to make other people comfortable around me. I'm an extreme liberal with my ideals, but extremely conservative when it comes to myself. Responsiblity is very important to me and I will always strive to keep my word to people. Once I agree to something I'm in for the long haul even if it's not really what I want to do. I'm a walking contradition and that's the way I like it!! Welcome to my new blog!!!