Bottom

So here's how you know that you've hit the bottom. You know it's the bottom when the only thing lower than where you're at is dead. I hit the bottom yesterday. It is a scary place to be. It is scary for those who know you are there. I can't be in that place. I refuse to be in that place. It is so strange how quickly things can go from bad to absolutely terrifying. I think maybe I needed the terrifying to find the strength to really fight for myself. I've never done that. I have never went to bat for myself. I need to do this. I have to be in control of my life. I need to not devalue myself in relationships. I need to understand that things that I blame myself for where not my fault. I need to really see that I matter as a person. I need to be a whole person. I want the people in my life to not look at me and see this shell of a person who could break at any moment. I'm stronger than this. I have to believe that. I can't continue beating myself up for everything that has happened in the past. I have to stop living there. No more fear. No more hiding. This has been a battle that I have been avoiding my whole life. It is really time that I got around to living. I'm taking back my life.