Really, Bristol Palin?!?

So I've been watching this season of Dancing With the Stars and for the most part I have enjoyed it but I'm really fed up right now. I don't get the fact that Bristol Palin keeps going in this competition. I think that a large portion of the viewers are idiots. I really do. How can you reward crap like that? It's not like she is even close to being as good of a dancer as the other people that were left at the beginning of tonight's show. Then she beat out Brandy. Say what?!? That girl had a perfect score last night and the Palin girl has been the bottom scorer for weeks on end. I think the folks that vote for the Palin girl are the same ones that bought the William Hung album. The problem with that is that it's not rewarding excellence. You are supposed to work hard and try your hardest and if you are the best you should be rewarded. That doesn't seem to be the case with this show. This show has become a total joke popularity contest what is controlled by popular politics. I'm super glad that a mediocore dancer and performer can keep coming out on top because folks like her mom. Of course, maybe that's not the case. Maybe people just feel sorry for her. That's how I would like compete. You get into competitions to strive to be the best. Trying your best isn't what allows someone to win a competition. If that was the case I would totally have an Olympic medal. I don't have one because I haven't earned that or been the best at that given moment. Bristol Palin hasn't been the best even once. I can't stand the fact that she keeps getting rewarded. She'll probably win and that is the worst piece of television that I can think of.

Women On The Verge Of A Nervous Breakdown

This past weekend I had the privilege of seeing WOMEN ON THE VERGE OF A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN on Broadway. I was extremely excited to see this show mainly because Sherie Rene Scott is in it. I am a huge Sherie Rene Scott fan! I love so many of her shows. One of my biggest dreams was so see her perform live. I wasn't disappointed. I'm not going to say that this was the best show that I've ever seen. It just wasn't. I really liked it though. Sherie Rene Scott was amazing! I know that the professional reviews say that she was a bit lost and the show was pretty much crap, but I don't agree. I think the lost feel was the direction that the director chose for the show. Sherie Rene Scott's Pepa is kind of lost for a large portion of the show but that is Pepa is a lost person. I don't think that was the fault of acting I think that is was the direction of the character. I loved listening to her sing. Everytime she opened her mouth I was transfixed. I thought she was great. Also, there were tons of stars in this show. How many times does one get to see on stage, at the same time, the likes of Patti LuPone, Brian Stokes Mitchell and Laura Benanti? These are true stars!! For the most part they were great. Brian Stokes Mitchell has the ability to make a women melt just by saying "blah" which he did. I have to say I melt when he opens his mouth to sing. Laura Benanti was extremely funny. She stole the show in my opinion. What can you really say about Patti LuPone? I mean, she's Patti LuPone! That's all most people need. This show also had Grams in it! Mary Beth Peil aka Grams was so cute. The duet that Sherie Rene Scott and her sang was one of the highlights of the show for me. How could I not be happy to hear her lovely soprano? I was very happy that I got to see this show. I think most people will be happy to see this show as long as they don't go in expecting some profound theatre experience or the next WICKED. It's light and fun and I think worth the money to see.

ANTM

So I'm totally obsessed with this cycle of Top Model. It has been a long time since I was this into a cycle. The last one that I was this into was cycle 7. That was a long time ago! This cycle we have Kayla. She is everything that you could want in a contestant. She is beautiful. She takes great pictures. She has a compelling back story. Maybe it's the gay in me but I can't help but root for her. She started out this proud but wounded out woman. She didn't care what the world had to say. She was proud of herself. That drew me in. As the cycle has progressed we have been let into this woman's life. We have been allowed to know and understand her pain. It makes me want to root for her more. Hell, it makes me want to be her friend. I feel like I'm getting a friend through the show in Kayla. Here's hoping that the winner of Cycle 15 of America's Next Top Model is Kayla.

No Idea

There is something major to be said for my new relationship. I have no idea where it is headed. That is a major first for me. I have known the outcome of every relationship I have walked into until now. What a strange and exciting feeling. I don't see a path laid out before me. I think this is a good thing. I hope it's a good thing:) I haven't smiled this much in so long. What a wonderful feeling. It is really nice to be wanted and not have this constant fear that someone might find out and that you will ruin everything. There isn't that pressure in this relationship. This actually is a relationship. How blind I was to what those where for too long. Shame on me for selling myself short for way too long. Maybe I should have taken the advice I was given way earlier than I did. I should have walked away when I started to hurt on a daily basis. I'm stubborn I guess. Next time I ask for advice from someone who knows me ridiculously well I'll listen. I'm happier that way. I'm happier in this relationship. I'm learning about myself. I'm letting myself really feel. I'm understanding certain truths about myself that I had hid from for way too long. I'm trying not to make the stupid mistakes that I made in the past all over again. I don't know where any of this is going but I don't want to lose it. I feel special. I feel blessed. I feel happy. If only I could fix a couple of other things and I would be about the happiest person in the world!

I Can Embrace This

Affairs of the heart seem to consume most of my time. Well, that and shows, but the heart is at the core of my being. I'm happy at the moment. I'm seeing someone and I really like them. I really enjoy are time together and I really like the notion of someone not being ashamed to be with me. That being said I still second guess everything too much. I'm trying not to sabotage myself. I always seem to do that when I am honestly interested in someone. I sit and question my heart. I ask it constantly if I am doing what it truly wants. I don't know what my heart really wants at times. Sometimes it longs so much for the past that it clouds the present. I need to remember that every kiss with someone doesn't have to scream my soul mate. Maybe my romantic notions are too ingrained in my heart. Lovely delightful and wonderful are really positive things and that is what I have. I decided that I wanted to take things slow with this relationship so that I could process my feelings and I guess I should be ok with that decision. The problem is I suck at not totally running forward with my emotions. I'm someone who is totally guided by the heart. I like this moment and I really just need to not mess it up with my out of control worry. I need to not over nurture this. I need to not dwell on past feelings for other people. I need to remember that I am allowed to be happy. Deep breath Shanna you can do this!

I'm Such A Girl

Here's a short funny story for the day. I get home last night from hanging out with some of my friends. My gf and I are in my living room and all of a sudden there is this clanging sound from my furnace. It sounds like something is flying in the pipe. I realize what that sound is quickly, a bird!! It has somehow gotten into the pipe from the roof and is now stuck. I'm a little freaked out about it but decide to go with the shut the bedroom door turn on a fan and hop the cat kills it approach. The morning arrives and I creep out of the bedroom looking to see if dead bird is hanging out somewhere on the floor. I see nothing and hear nothing so I figure that maybe it got out somehow. About half an hour passes and then I hear the clanging again. Then all of a sudden in swoops the bird!! Panic time for me! I scream like the girl I am and hide under the covers! Thank goodness I wasn't alone! The gf takes a box and captures the bird and sets it free. My hero! I am such a girl at times!!!

My Voice

I think I may have lost my voice a bit. Not my singing voice by my voice in life. I've let my friends dictate how I should express myself. I've worried about hurting people and protecting them so much that I've lost an important part of myself. Most of the time it isn't worth it. Why should I care how my words effect them? It isn't as though I'm writing horrible things about them most of the time. Usually if someone gets included in this form it is because they are important to me. Some feelings and issues are better handled in a format that is less confrontational. I don't want to fight with people. I don't like how that makes me feel. I don't like how I can make people feel if I turn my temper onto them. If I write about it then sure they may see it, but it is in a digestible manner. Are my blogs the end all and be all of my truth? No, but it is a truth for that moment. If I'm upset today does that mean I'm upset tomorrow? I don't understand why I have to censure myself for them. I get that words can hurt. I know how to hurt people with them. I don't deny that. I'm going to take my voice back. If I have something on my mind I'm going to write about it. If I have someone on my mind, well, then I'm going to write about them. This is who I am. I'm tired of trying to conform to what people think I should be. I suck at hiding from myself. You know what forcing yourself to be something you're not leads to? It leads to crazy and I don't want to visit that again. Look for some real ponderings from this theatre addicts mind. I'm taking back my voice and sorry if you don't understand that