I Don't Remember That Last Post

Well, I really didn't know I wrote that last blog. Hmmmm......Wine.....
Anyway, I am so broken up at the moment. Apparently I said I was falling for someone and I am. I'm a mess with it. It is eating me up on the inside. Maybe it is the time of year. It is less then a week from the two year anniversary of the love of my life's death. It seems like just yesterday that we could, but no, it has been 2 year. Two years since things seemed right. Now I'm in a situation where I could let someone in. I really like the guy that I mentioned before. There is no doubt about it. Unfortunately, I have this feeling that I will end up completely heartbroken by him. That terrifies me. The feeling is screaming at me from my soul. I know it will end up bad for me. It is a terrible dilemma for me. Could I be passing up something amazing because I'm afraid? I think that the answer to that would be a yes. What to do then? Should I take a chance? Should I close myself off? Should I just go with it and whatever happens happens? My heart is so heavy right now. I really just wish I had my love back and I wouldn't have to deal with this. I really wouldn't have mattered if we would have been together or not. I would have had my hope. I really miss that hope. I don't know if a new relationship will fill me with hope. I think that it could be amazing in the now. I just don't know if I'm strong enough to just embrace the now.