Something From The Past

This is a couple years old and I found it in a notebook and thought I'd share some whining:

I always thought that loving could be enough. Love is such a simple feeling. Love is something that just is. You find someone and you love them. You give a piece of yourself to them and trust that they will take care of it. I thought that if you loved hard enough then it would conquer all. Time and space could be no obstacle. I was a fool. Things don't always work out like you plan them. Love isn't always the great conquering force that we'd like to believe. The world seems to tease you with love. The truth is that when you really love someone heartache is the only real end. If you love someone and they leave you lose that piece of yourself forever. If you leave you bring that same unbearable pain to them. Why do we seek out such an unfair emotion? Is the now more important than the agony that the end brings? I honestly don't know if the now is more desirable. Would I trade knowing you and loving you for an end to this pain? Could you ever really be a regret? This pain is unbearable and I fear each day that it will consume me. My heart aches and I know it will never be whole again. Could I ever regret you? Would I ever trade those moments of happiness? The world is a cruel place. It feels like at times God is laughing at our misfortunes. I'm not a strong person. I hide. I pretend. I never want to deal. Every step forward only seems to lead me back. Could I regret you? How can you regret the best thing that ever happened to you? I wish I would have fought for you. I wish I could have protected you. I wish I could I have saved you. Those are things I can regret. I could never regret you.