Shame On Me

Sometimes you don't get the people you want. I have found this to be true my entire life. The people I want to be there for me when I need them never seem to be the ones I get. It's like a thousand little deaths when you realize that the ones you want to care don't really. They say they do. You want to believe them. Reality is they just aren't. It's a grand reason not to trust people. It is a perfect reason to not let people in. They just kill you in small ways that they don't even understand. I hate that I keep believing that things can be different. People are people. They just constantly let you down. I'm just an inconvenience most of the time. I do need people from time to time. I do want to have friends that I can trust and turn to in a time of need. Unfortunately it doesn't usually work out the way I want them to. I've never had the person I've wanted in a crisis be there for me. I've had people be there for me don't get me wrong. I'm eternally grateful to those people but they weren't who my soul cried out for. Those people just run the other way. Because they are scared. Because they don't have the right words. Because they are mad. Or maybe they just suck as friends. Maybe I have the worst taste in people ever. Maybe I'm just fucking stupid when it comes to trusting people. Shame on me for thinking that things were different this time. My motto has been for ages I am a rock I am an island and I think I need to stick to that. Fuck people fuck the world. All I can count on is me and God. That is all I need.