My Filter

Sometimes I wish I had a filter that worked properly. I say things to people I shouldn't say. I don't say things to others that I should. My thought process at times is a little warped. I am an inappropriate laugher. I make jokes about things that are not in the least bit funny to try and hide what is really going on. I make people uncomfortable with my intensity at times. I also make people uncomfortable when I give them no feelings what so ever. I just mess things up frequently. It does weigh on my mind a lot. I don't know when to just be quiet. I am silent when I should speak out. It is like there is a giant disconnect. What I should do seems to be the opposite of what I do. Heck, even writing anything here causes issues. I don't filter here. I don't reread. I don't edit. It just comes out and then someone reads it and gets upset. I wish I knew how to control my mouth. I wish I was better at standing up for myself. I wish I was better at not making things worse. I don't know if it is at all redeemable that I think oddly. I sometimes see things in such a different way. Then I express them and I look like an ass or a nut. Which is better? I just hope I'm not doing irrevocable harm to my life by having confusion live in my filter.