Focus

So my confusion continues. I really wish that I had my head clear and understood what was really going on with me. I don't really know why Risk and I always seem to come back to Lilac. It confuses the crap out of me. If I say I have conflicted feelings for Lilac why frequently tell me to go after Lilac? I'm with Risk. That is what I want. Yes, I am a little perplexed by my feelings for Lilac, but I have no intention of going after Lilac. In truth, I would be a horrible match for Lilac. I'm aware of that. I don't get why Risk doesn't see it. I am just friends with Lilac. That is all. I don't really need any innuendos to add to my confusion. It just messes with my head. I want to focus on figuring out Risk and me. That is what I need to do. Nothing else matters in this relationship. I need to focus on one person at a time. Risk is that person not Lilac. I need to focus.