Not So Happy

The last time I posted I was happy now I'm not so happy. I think that everything a giant mess at the moment. Last night I hurt someone that I care about very much. I didn't mean to put her through this, but the fact is I did. My decisions led to her pain. I don't know how to fix this. I don't know if I can ever really be forgiven. I don't think I deserve to be forgiven but I hope so very much that I am. This black cloud is over everything at the moment. I think that maybe my feelings of guilt and shame are what's leading me to being sick. I've been on and off sick for the last month and a half. I can't eat anymore. Everytime I do eat I just get sick. My body is so tired and I can't focus on simple things. I came clean and I thought maybe it would help, but I now just want to curl up in a ball and die. I'm so miserable. I hate myself for bringing hurt into her eyes. I'm a terrible person right now. I can't wrap my head around this. I don't know if there are enough I'm sorry's in the world to make this better. I have no idea what to do now. THis sucks soooo much.