Naming the Players

I think it's time a I name the players involved in my blogs. Not real names just a name so that things don't get confusing. I don't like writing about people and being specific. It makes me a little uncomfortable. I like to protect folks as much as possible when they appear here. So I'm going to name a couple characters right now and give a brief description about how they fit into my life. First person is Risk. Risk is just that a huge risk in my life. Risk managed to capture my heart and has helped me learn to let go. I love Risk. Unfortunately, like all risks, I'm not sure the gamble is the best thing for me. Risk makes me feel wonderful one minute and terrible the next. It really isn't anything that Risk does it is just the situation we have found ourselves in. Second player I'm going to call Lilac. Strange choice of names, I know, but strangely fitting. Think about spring and when the lilacs are in bloom. Think about that feeling when you close your eyes and you can smell the lilacs in the breeze. The feeling that spring is here and that everything is possible again. The lilacs fill your soul with this sense of hope. Yes, it is a fleeting feeling but it is one that is so powerful. It is one you can look forward to. That is the kind of person Lilac is. When I find myself in the presence of Lilac there is hope. There is this unexplainable smile that comes into my life. It isn't something that I could hope to have forever but it is something that I can look forward to and enjoy in that moment. Lilac brings a certain peace to my heart. These are the two principle players in my life at the moment. I've screwed up lately and hurt both Risk and Lilac. I can't really change the past so I'm pushing ahead. Risk doesn't want to talk about things. It hurts to not really know what is going on in someone you loves head. I don't know what to do about that. Lilac and I are working things out. We are willing to talk about things. Thank goodness for that. I don't always understand my feelings for Lilac but at least things are out in the open now. I know that things will always be different for us but at least there is an us to talk about. No, not an us in a romantic way, but an us in a friendship way. That is all I ever really wanted. I wanted us to all be friends. Hopefully we have that again.