Alone Time

Here I am sitting in front of my computer again. This seems to be becoming a habit. I'm rocking the alone time here again. Once again I'm not entirely sure I should be hanging out on my own. Luckily it isn't for as long as it was last night. My car got fixed today so I could go to rehearsal. That was the magical three hour break in my woeful existence. It is hard to be worried or upset when you are trying to remember wacky lyrics and crazy dances. Three hours of "tip the hat tip the hat tip the hat tip the hat" were a wonderful distraction. Unfortunately the car drive over sucked ass as did the car ride back. Too much alone time. I really just need distracting conversations about nothing on those drives. I just need to listen to a calming voice that gives me hope that everything will be alright. That really does get to become a lot to ask of your friends. I'm not sure where my head is at the moment, but I know that things are just a little easier when I hear their voices. Am I being extremely selfish using them as a crutch? It is a hard question to answer. The crazy doctor told me to not talk to them about my woes. That I should turn to her or other crazy doctors. I don't think I can do that and I told her that. She point blank asked me if I would call them if I was in a dark place and I told her no. I have a really hard time talking to strangers about anything. Why would I turn to someone who doesn't give a damn about me? She seems to think I am willing to do this. She's wrong there. I guess what she is doing is isolating me more. I will tell everyone that I am fine. That is what she wants and I can do that but I can't talk to strangers. Hell, I have a very difficult time speaking to her. I guess I have to figure this out alone which sucks because I'm terrified of myself when I'm alone. What do you do, right?