I'm Not Locked Up!

So I'm not locked up!!! Thank goodness!! I managed to go to my therapy session and tell the truth and not end up in the crazy hospital. It is a HUGE relief to me. I'm not saying that the thought didn't cross her mind. I know it did. I guess she is willing to take a chance on believing me when I say I won't break my promise. She asked if I truly believed that I would keep my word and I told her I did with every fiber of my being. That is the honest truth and she saw that it was. Now comes the really hard part of staying strong and keeping my word. I can do this. I'm going to try to make therapy work for me. What good does it do me if I'm afraid to tell the truth when I'm in there? I think my therapist is scared for me. She wanted to see me in a couple of days. That seemed a little soon to me. Instead I have to go back at the beginning of next week. I think if I try this all can help me. We are going to work on me believing that I deserve to be happy. We are going to work on me believing that I am worth caring about. I think we are going to work on the fact that I don't care enough about myself to fight for myself. These are things we are going to work on. She thinks I need to spend a little more time taking care of myself and a little less time trying to take care of everyone else. It is easier for me to take on the role of protector for everyone in my life than to take care of myself. I can't argue with her on that point. I need to be strong for someone. I really don't care about being strong for me. That might be where my problem lies. I just don't care enough about myself. I don't think I'm worthy of or deserve any kind of happiness. That is something I guess we are going to address. She told me it was going to be really hard for awhile. She said we would just have to work through things. It sounds like a lot of things that I don't want to deal with are going to be brought up. I might have to start soliciting the prayers but at least I'm not in the hospital.